Caring for Jim

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Scrabble

Studies show that puzzles and games can help strengthen the memory. It is suggested that these activities can help off set the deterioration of dementia. I decided that I would take this information to heart. I began playing a game or doing a puzzle with Jim daily. In hopes that this would also help me. We began playing easy games such as Sorry or Candyland. Jim would pick a card and then ask me what to do with it. He was not able to recall the uncomplicated rules. I quickly tired of Sorry and Candyland, one day I pulled out the checkers. Jim used surprising strategy and quickly won me. Wow! Then one day I decided to be brave and pulled out Scrabble. I was amazed as he placed words that he had probably not used in years. We have adjusted the rules to include a little bit of creativity. If it is a word that I feel is a good word for a a 86 year ol...

The Martyr

It was 5:00 AM on a Thursday morning. My husband just realized that he had a five day weekend. He suggested that we leave that night and travel the twelve hours to meet our son's finacee. That was a great idea. The problem was what to do with Jim. It was too much time in the car for Jim. We also had no place that he could stay when we got there. I dramatically told Monte that I would just stay home and take care of Jim. Monte would not hear of that. As he walked out the door to work he told me to figure it out, we were leaving that night. It took three calls and Jim was covered for the weekend. I spent the day preparing the schedule for the help. I stewed over the arrangements like a Mother Hen. Jim told me that he could take care of himself. I made the arrangments despite his confidence. We left that night. We met the beautiful girl that would soon become part...

Socks

Generally, socks are associated with protection and warmth. I agree with that assessment, but my view on that simple article of clothing has broadened. I now see socks as a representation of love and forgiveness. Dementia can cause a loss of many good and bad memories. When Jim came to live with us I soon realized that he didn't remember that he did not like me. He considered me a good friend. Unfortunately, my memory had not diminished concerning his relationship with me. I remembered his intentional disregard for me and my feelings. One of my duties each morning was to put Jim's socks on his feet as he was no longer able to do this for himself. He would usually respond with a "Oh lovely" or "That feels so good!" One morning as I was carefully pulling up his socks. I noticed tears in Jim's eyes. We locked eyes and he said with a quiver in his voice "Thank you, you don't n...

Whistling

I often awake in the morning to a high-pitched sound radiating throughout the house. It is my father-in-law whistling. It is a habit he picked up with the onset of his dementia. He whistles everywhere and it seems all the time. The sound might be considered enjoyable if he knew more than three measures of an unknown song. I started turning on music in hopes that the whistling would cease. He whistles with the music with his familar tune. It never compliments my chosen music. He whistles in church, the store, the car, the restaurant and the bathroom. He was told to quit whistling in the library by an irritated patron. .He could not figure out why she would do that. Jim does not understand why everyone does not enjoy his musical talent, He explained that his grandma was a very good whistler, he believes quality whistling is inherited. In exasperation, the other day I asked why he ...

Sugar

Jim has a theory if a little is good then more is better. He has used this thought in all aspects of his life. Sometimes it has worked to his advantage and other times it has not. He not only incorporates this thought in his business and personal life, but also with food. If a little tastes good then just keep going. It is not unusual to find a small decorative sugar bowl in most homes. In the middle of Jim's table was a coffee can filled with sugar. He did not daintly add a teaspoon or two of sugar to his coffee. I watched in horror as he would scoop approximately a half of cup of sugar in his cup and add a little coffee or tea. He used the liquid as a transport for the sugar. This would occur several times a day. We felt that possibly the high quantities of sugar was contributing to the lack of energy and unresponsiveness he often exhibited. This was not an easy habit to break....

The Move

As we looked over the three acres of " treasures" that had been accumulated over the last 60 plus years of Jim's adult life the move seemed daunting. The acreage was filled with miscellaneous objects that represented Jim's ever changing occupations and interests. Tractors, trucks, sailboards, aviation equipment, teepees, sewing machines and tools were some of the objects to be moved. Jim had said little and seemed to be unresponsive to much of anything at this point. We didn't know if it was due to the shock of watching his wife die, dementia, leaving his aged dog behind or possibily a sugar comia from the great quanities of sugar he consumed daily. Simple decisions seemed an impossibility for him. We decided that we would deal with the "treasures" at a later time. We had over a thousand miles to travel from the South Eastern corner of Arizonia to the North West corner of Oregon . We worried...